This will probably be my last post. I’m not sure how much time I have left, but I will try to spend it doing the things that I love, with the people that I love. This last month was truly a gift. I have no regrets.
I am ready.
Thanks for reading,
Tim Girard
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
10/10
I finished! It’s done! Thank God! Once again, it’s like giving birth. It’s SO GOOD!! It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever done. What a way to go out!
10/9
I finished Smallville last night so I went to bed pretty late (even late for me). Then Carl called to go to lunch, so I didn’t get a full night’s sleep, but I felt great! I only got 5 or 6 hours, but I wasn’t drowsy of sore like I usually am. I went to lunch with him and Keith at Panera and then we went to Barnes and Noble. I bought the new Tool CD because I wanted to check it out (I’m sure it will go to a good home). It’s pretty good and the artwork is cool. It was beautiful out so I went walking which I hadn’t done in a while. It was amazing, I felt like I was buzzing! I went back to Mom’s and worked on my book, pretty much straight through till now. I’m so close to finishing, but I’m getting sleepy. I didn’t want to push it and write crap, so I’ll finish it tomorrow.
10/8
Pam and Hugo came over today. I had her cut my hair which I guess is moot, but I like when she cuts my hair. We get to talk. Also, I can tell that when she’s cutting hair, she feels how I feel when I’m writing music. I like contributing to that. Plus I’m sure she’d rather do it now than later. She and Hugo had a “secret meeting” with Mom when I got out of the shower. Good for them, I’m happy for her. Hugo’s great and I know he’ll take good care of her.
I was going to work on my book, but I could tell I was going to get a headache. Instead I wrote my letters. One to Mom, one to the girls, one to my friends, one to family and one to Brian and the DL. I explained to everyone why I didn’t say anything and how I don’t regret it because I was able to enjoy my last month instead of wallowing, and trying to make everyone OK with it. I left a will of sorts, leaving Mom in charge of everything (except my comics of course, Brian gets those). I left Mom the password to my computer so she can access my book and music. I also told everyone about my blog so they can look back on my last month if they want to. It felt like a huge weight was lifted when I finished and I’m actually in a pretty good mood. One step closer. I think I’ll treat myself to some Smallville tonight.
I was going to work on my book, but I could tell I was going to get a headache. Instead I wrote my letters. One to Mom, one to the girls, one to my friends, one to family and one to Brian and the DL. I explained to everyone why I didn’t say anything and how I don’t regret it because I was able to enjoy my last month instead of wallowing, and trying to make everyone OK with it. I left a will of sorts, leaving Mom in charge of everything (except my comics of course, Brian gets those). I left Mom the password to my computer so she can access my book and music. I also told everyone about my blog so they can look back on my last month if they want to. It felt like a huge weight was lifted when I finished and I’m actually in a pretty good mood. One step closer. I think I’ll treat myself to some Smallville tonight.
10/7
Another goddam headache today! I couldn’t stand using my computer, but I did get I/C/R mapped out. I don’t think I’ll have time to finish it, but I got enough of the notes, plus detailed instructions on the instrumentation, that anyone with a notation program can finish it. Maybe Anthony will just do it himself, or use the money he was going to pay me, to hire someone else to do it.
So I did my last Thayer concert and wore my tux for the last (well, second to last) time…eh. I came, I played my triangle part and I left. I did go out with Keith, Dan and his new tenant after, and I still had my tux on. Then we went to a slumber party and watched boxing. Well, at least I can say, “I watched boxing at a slumber party while wearing my tux before I died.”
So I did my last Thayer concert and wore my tux for the last (well, second to last) time…eh. I came, I played my triangle part and I left. I did go out with Keith, Dan and his new tenant after, and I still had my tux on. Then we went to a slumber party and watched boxing. Well, at least I can say, “I watched boxing at a slumber party while wearing my tux before I died.”
10/6
When I got out of the shower today there were 2 messages from Brian. I guess he told the Yamaha guy that we weren’t interested in what he had to offer after all. It was cool not having someone come in and take something from me, that me and J have been working our asses off on for like 6 years. It was kind of insulting of him to step in and do that. It did make me realize how much the line appreciates me and how much they mean to me.
I was burning through my book today until I got another headache. I had to go to Thayer anyway. I was there for like a half hour then got to leave. On the way home TJ called me. He’s been wanting to get together and play again and I keep telling him I can’t because of work. I didn’t want to get involved with something new, which sucks because I had a blast playing with him. I told him that we should get together for an acoustic jam on Thursday. It’s for a purely selfish reason though - I want to play again if I’m still around then.
I was burning through my book today until I got another headache. I had to go to Thayer anyway. I was there for like a half hour then got to leave. On the way home TJ called me. He’s been wanting to get together and play again and I keep telling him I can’t because of work. I didn’t want to get involved with something new, which sucks because I had a blast playing with him. I told him that we should get together for an acoustic jam on Thursday. It’s for a purely selfish reason though - I want to play again if I’m still around then.
Friday, October 6, 2006
10/5
Last night after the extra session with the Yamaha guy, I went to Tom, Lazer, Brando and Ill’s. Holy shit was I [omitted]! When we were in the car I could feel all my chakras! Then later we were all listening to Yellow Background, Blue Spheres, Black Segments, White Circles and Ill said it reminded him of “an Aboriginal dreamscape. You know, with wolves turning into the night sky?” I laughed my ass off for 5 minutes! I felt bad after though, I think he thought I was making fun of how he interpreted it. I just loved the phrase “wolves turning into the night sky.” When I listened to it, it felt like I was leaving my body. What a blast! Then Tom put on 311 and Alice In Chains DVD’s and I zoned out. Tom thought I passed out (maybe I did) so everyone went to bed. I was going to take them all out for breakfast, but most of them had classes so it was just me and Tom. He’s a good kid. He reminds me of myself sometimes.
Had another headache tonight which made it hard to drive to and from Thayer. It’s better now though. On the way back, I got a message from Brian. I guess the Yamaha guy wants a permanent position working with the DL, which means I would become his assistant. I want to see what the kids want. If they are ready to move to that level, I won’t hold them back. I guess this came at the perfect time. Now I’ll have a replacement. He better take good care of them.
Had another headache tonight which made it hard to drive to and from Thayer. It’s better now though. On the way back, I got a message from Brian. I guess the Yamaha guy wants a permanent position working with the DL, which means I would become his assistant. I want to see what the kids want. If they are ready to move to that level, I won’t hold them back. I guess this came at the perfect time. Now I’ll have a replacement. He better take good care of them.
10/3
I’m at Keith’s tonight. I’m starting to really like being a nomad. We watched disc 1 of Lost Season 1. I think he’s hooked.
10/2
Well it finally hit home. I guess it was a combination of being back home, thinking about Ashley and that I probably won’t make it to the next football game to hear my arrangement of “Planet Krypton” performed. Last night I broke down, I lost it. So far it was just something I said but now I KNOW - I’m going to die. I wasn’t just crying, I was sobbing, for I don’t know how long. I must have been till I fell asleep because I don’t remember stopping. Today wasn’t much better. I screamed at Murphy because he was barking at me while I was loading my car and I snapped at Cory because she smart mouthed me. The guy from Yamaha was here which made me insecure and defensive on top of everything else.
On the bright side, I did get to finish “Planet Krypton” so I can have it to Brian on Wednesday and they can definitely perform it.
On the bright side, I did get to finish “Planet Krypton” so I can have it to Brian on Wednesday and they can definitely perform it.
10/1
Well that’s one down. Tonight I watched the rest of Lost, Season 2 with Mom, I thought it wasn’t going to happen cuz when I went to Hollywood (that girl Kate was working, I hadn’t seen her in a while), they were out. I called later on, and someone had returned it. It left off at a good place for me to end.
Today was Ashley’s birthday. Originally I wanted to send her an email and basically say goodbye. But I realized that I don’t think she would want that. I feel like it would make her uncomfortable and she would think that I wanted to try to get back together or something. I opted to just text her with, “Happy Birthday!” instead. That was enough closure for me.
Oh, I’m also doing an arrangement of “Planet Krypton” for the homecoming show. It’s pretty easy, J found a copy of the midi file on line and I just opened it in Sibelius, so I just have to do some tweaking and then copy and paste and it’s done. It’ll be good to have my name in the credits one last time.
Today was Ashley’s birthday. Originally I wanted to send her an email and basically say goodbye. But I realized that I don’t think she would want that. I feel like it would make her uncomfortable and she would think that I wanted to try to get back together or something. I opted to just text her with, “Happy Birthday!” instead. That was enough closure for me.
Oh, I’m also doing an arrangement of “Planet Krypton” for the homecoming show. It’s pretty easy, J found a copy of the midi file on line and I just opened it in Sibelius, so I just have to do some tweaking and then copy and paste and it’s done. It’ll be good to have my name in the credits one last time.
9/30
Today I had the most fun at a game that I’ve ever had! I don’t know why. I did a lot of cheers and it was nice out, I was in a good mood, no headaches. We won against Brown, but I don’t think that had much to do with it. I hope homecoming is that fun. Wait…if I make it to homecoming.
We also had the Cranston East exhibition. We were very rushed and I think it showed in the playing. The DL was still good, you could just tell that they didn’t have time to focus their energy. They still did well though.
I hung out with J and we finally played some more Silent Hill 4. That game has become way too tedious. Felicia came over and was watching us play for a while and I felt bad for her. I left soon after she did and drove home exhausted. I probably should have stayed at J’s, but I sleep like shit there. And of course now that I’m home, I’m wide awake! Hmm, I haven’t read any comics in a while.
We also had the Cranston East exhibition. We were very rushed and I think it showed in the playing. The DL was still good, you could just tell that they didn’t have time to focus their energy. They still did well though.
I hung out with J and we finally played some more Silent Hill 4. That game has become way too tedious. Felicia came over and was watching us play for a while and I felt bad for her. I left soon after she did and drove home exhausted. I probably should have stayed at J’s, but I sleep like shit there. And of course now that I’m home, I’m wide awake! Hmm, I haven’t read any comics in a while.
9/29
Just got back from the Tool concert and it was amazing! After really listening to their lyrics and watching the films that go with their music, I realized how much they KNOW. I wish I had the chance to do stuff like that. Well, I guess that’s what my book and I/C/R are for. Oh, my book is about half way done by the way! From here on it should be like rolling off a log!
9/28
I went to get comics with Brian today. It was cool, because we hadn’t gone together since I’ve been at the lake house. I hope we get to actually hang out soon, I’m always distracted by the comics when we go. It’s more like running an errand together than visiting with a friend. I know he’s busy with everything, but I miss him.
I also had a Thayer rehearsal tonight. I figured I’d do one last concert with them, but now I’m almost regretting it. I’m playing triangle on just one piece. I was able to leave after 45 minutes and go home early, but it’s almost not worth the drive. Oh well, an excuse to wear my tux one last time.
I also had a Thayer rehearsal tonight. I figured I’d do one last concert with them, but now I’m almost regretting it. I’m playing triangle on just one piece. I was able to leave after 45 minutes and go home early, but it’s almost not worth the drive. Oh well, an excuse to wear my tux one last time.
9/27
This morning I went to a presentation by the composition teacher on exotic tuning and scales. It was weird being in a classroom setting again. It made me realize how far beyond college I am too. Not that it matters now, but I realized I would not go to grad school. There’s so much to learn outside of class that even if I had the chance, I wouldn’t go back.
Oh, I also moved back into Mom’s again. I thought I would have till like Saturday, but Carl said his uncle was coming today at 5 to clean up. I had to pack everything up and load it into my car before band. I had just gone food shopping too. Oh well, at least now I can just work on my computer instead of using Carl’s laptop and transferring the files back and forth with my memory stick. I was going to do some tonight, but I had a headache when I got here, so I think I’ll just go to bed.
Oh, I also moved back into Mom’s again. I thought I would have till like Saturday, but Carl said his uncle was coming today at 5 to clean up. I had to pack everything up and load it into my car before band. I had just gone food shopping too. Oh well, at least now I can just work on my computer instead of using Carl’s laptop and transferring the files back and forth with my memory stick. I was going to do some tonight, but I had a headache when I got here, so I think I’ll just go to bed.
9/25
While I was walking today, I got some good ideas for Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow. That’s always how it works too, I can’t rush it. I have to just let it come to me…but it always does.
Carl’s uncle found someone to rent the lake house…for real this time. It was fun while it lasted. Keith said Amy’s going to be away from Oct. 1st to the 15th and I can stay with him. Maybe I’ll just stay at Mom’s house for the remainder. Carl talked about me and him getting an apartment with a three month lease while J finalizes house stuff. I’ll have to stall him, I don’t want to leave him stuck with it. Then again, I don’t want to leave J stuck with the mortgage. This sucks, I hate being caught in the middle of them two, especially now. I’ve got more important shit to worry about.
Carl’s uncle found someone to rent the lake house…for real this time. It was fun while it lasted. Keith said Amy’s going to be away from Oct. 1st to the 15th and I can stay with him. Maybe I’ll just stay at Mom’s house for the remainder. Carl talked about me and him getting an apartment with a three month lease while J finalizes house stuff. I’ll have to stall him, I don’t want to leave him stuck with it. Then again, I don’t want to leave J stuck with the mortgage. This sucks, I hate being caught in the middle of them two, especially now. I’ve got more important shit to worry about.
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